‘No, it’s my first time…’ I heard myself say and even as I said it, I was practically biting my tongue. ‘I wish I could say that I had been here before’, I thought, but that would be a lie. And in the very distant past that would have been my response…lie. But this is today, and I cannot lie for something this little.Actually, I will not lie for even the seemingly huge things anymore.
However, I still wish I could say ‘this isn’t my first time’, I thought to myself again. That was my first time! Do you know I cannot even remember the first time I used these words and admitted to someone other than a family member that it was my first time?
The truth is: first times scare me! Whether it is the first time I am meeting people, travelling somewhere alone, speaking to a new audience or the first time I am trying something I have dreamt of doing practically all my life, first times scare me.
From the very first time I used the words ‘it’s my first time’, I have used them over a million times in the four decades I have lived and every single time, my instinct is to deny that it was my first time. The question is: why do first times really scare me this much?
I guess first times scare me because they speak of the fact that I am not in control. First times for me are indicative of the unknown and I wish I don’t have to deal with the unknown ever. I prefer a life that is predictable. I prefer a life where I can tell you exactly what will happen next. But the thing with first times is that it doesn’t matter what the predictions are, first times will trip you and land you in places you’ve never been or didn’t intend to go. First times can make or mar you for life, I know. But again, some people will kill for the first time experience over and over…
Think about when you first set your eyes on your child. Think about when he/she took his/her first steps. How about your first day at your dream job? I remember the first time my husband told me he loved me. Oh, how can I forget the first ever edition of Effectual Magazine, my first time as the mother of a teenager, my first time speaking… my first time…?
Life is an adventure and for that single reason suggests that there will always be a first time.
While I am still very uncomfortable with first times, I have made peace with them as much as possible, over the years. Rather than see first times as indicators of a lack of control, I now choose to see them as opportunities to learn new things and grow from them. I now see first times as adventures to new grounds and times to push beyond my comfort zone to reach greater heights.
From most of my first times, I have enjoyed the opportunities of new learning and have had experiences and made great memories. While I still wonder how my first times will turn out, I now know that it is not in my hands; because if I will be truthful to myself, every single day I wake up is a first time and therefore an adventure. The reason why I get out of bed with excitement is because I know someone greater and bigger, someone more powerful and wiser than myself woke me up. I now know that first times are my chances to experience God in ways I have never before.
First times give me the opportunities of do overs especially when it is the first time in a new day or year. They afford me the privilege to change what didn’t work and to push to have a better ending than I did the last time.
It is my first time in 2015, and it is an adventure beyond anything I have ever done. It is also my chance to garner a few more wins under my belt. First times can be very uncomfortable but I choose not to allow them scare me anymore.
I ask questions from my Father like ‘what does this first time hold?’ I take into consideration what I learnt the last first time. In the end, it is a first time. Yet it could be the last first time. So rather than blow it, I prepare with all I have got and trust God to give me the end I desire.
So like the Psalmist, I have set my face like a flint. First time or not, I will make the best of this Adventure of Destiny because in the end… this is the last first time I have to do 2015.
Our theme is Destiny Adventures; it is our first time but one you will enjoy. Welcome!
Bidemi