I am the first of so many siblings, just as my husband is the first of his own siblings. We have children of our own, and we lead in church, we run businesses and somehow, we are responsible for all these destinies.
It is usually a great joy when one of these people; whether our children, siblings, church family or team members make a leap for greatness and somehow, we were part midwives of that destiny.
This is one very gratifying experience.
However, what happens when someone in this group hits a snag or a challenge and as their midwife, you have to help transact that destiny to fulfillment? What do you do, when everything seems to be going in the opposite direction from what you had hoped will happen; what do you do?
As Homemakers, this can be a great challenge when everything you worked for, starts to go south.
You wonder what went wrong… sometimes, you feel like, maybe you have failed the destinies involved, and you wish you can make things better. While it is very noble to want to make everything better for those you have been called to make home for; I have come to learn that the responsibility to make it all better belongs to God.
So what is my part then? Well first, sometimes, being there is not because you can make things better, being there is just that… Be there! When I learnt this first truth, it freed me from the guilt that maybe, I didn’t pray enough; maybe I didn’t give enough; maybe I should have become more involved. The thing is each person’s path is… his own. I want things to be better, but sometimes, my job isn’t to make them better, but to bear the ‘burden’ of freedom in other ways.
The other thing is to be circumspect and discerning. Just because all that is required of us sometimes is to just ‘be’, does not mean that every time, we should just ‘be’. Recently, I was part of a meeting with a few other Mothers convened by my ‘Sista friend’, Bola Essien-Nelson, under the auspices of the group–Joined Up Motherhood (JUM); and what we met for that day, and will do every quarter, is to not just ‘be’. We agreed that some of the places and things our children will experience and go through, we may not be able to go with them, but we will, with peace, faith and hope in our hearts, come together to pray to God that he will go with them.
So when I wake up in the morning and see my brother, who I know has so much greatness in him; still in His waiting season, rather than faint, I am strengthened in hope and faith that even though I midwife him, he is more God’s project than mine. So I send a prayer of thanksgiving to his Source and Maker and patiently wait for His time to move this young man to his appointed place.
The next time, you see your assignment looking like he/she is going south, and you cannot find anything to do; remember that maybe, in that season, all you truly need to do is just be in their lives.
Other times, be quick to ask God to show you what you can specifically do, and if He shows you, please do it.
No matter what unfolds, never forget that we do what we can, and leave the rest to God. Never forget that He chose the destiny, He put the enablement in the individual, He knows the perfect timing, and He and He alone will bring it to pass in His own time.
The transaction is yours to watch over, but not yours to make happen. God alone makes them happen. May God bless your home.
—Bidemi
bidemi@effectualmag.com