I was sharing a meal with my husband one day and he said to me, “Honey, you have changed.” Not knowing from what angle he was coming from, I cautiously asked, “In what way, honey?” And he said to me, “You are calmer now, gentler and you wave off issues as nothing even when they are aggravating. You are not as impatient with people as you used to be when we first met.” Hmmm, I breathed a sigh of relief and said a silent, ‘Thank you’ to Jesus. Then I said to my husband, “Honey, I am working on myself and I am grateful to God that it is beginning to show.”
We work on many things in this life, but ignore the most important – you. Good character and attitudes do not just happen. They are made to happen. Even the bible instructs us to put off the old man and put on the new man indicating an element of personal involvement and effort.
The year has begun and many have planned to work on many things and be somebody, but I do know that not many people are thinking on working on themselves this year. There is an African adage that says that bad behaviour or character is like smoke because you cannot keep it covered for too long. It will find a way to escape. It does not matter how skilled your publicist may be if you do not work on yourself your ‘badness’ will be found out and will undo you.
God has many expectations from His people. One chief expectation is that we discover His purpose and will for our lives and fulfil it. Another is that we may prosper in all things and be in health even as our souls prosper. In other words, as we prosper spiritually, we must also enjoy good health and material prosperity. Poverty and sickness is not God’s will for His people.
However, God’s foremost expectation from His people is that they become like Him with each passing day. Sadly,this primary expectation has taken a backseat as we race to become more and more financially secure. We ignore the vital to pursue the trivial.
When my husband testified of my change, I confessed to him what I had been doing. I told him that day that each time I lost my temper or raised my voice at something or someone I felt shame and embarrassment afterwards.
Sometimes, this shame hung on me for days. At first I did not understand it. Why was I feeling ashamed of myself when I was the one that was wronged? To shake off this uncomfortable feeling of shame, I used to dissect the cause of my irritation and view it from different angles to justify my behaviour, but it did not help. I did not like the feeling, so I knew I had to do something to close the entry point of shame and embarrassment. That’s when my pursuit of a better ‘me’ project started. I did not do it on my own, I couldn’t have.
I had to go to the One who made me – The Porter and I asked for help. As soon as I began to speak to Him about my desire to become a better and more controlled person, I heard in my spirit these words,“in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” I realized that what I needed, but did not know that I needed was the grace to be quiet in the face of aggravation or offenses. I began to learn stillness and quietness. I am learning to lower my voice and make my tone soft and conciliatory when dealing with offensive situations.
Sometimes, I defer confrontation for a day or two before acting. In most cases after this delay I no longer find a reason to pursue the subject. The two days delay took the sting out of the offense!
My husband is the closest person to me in this life and if he has such a testimony of me, then God’s grace is at work in my life. But the change he saw in me wasnot without some fight and effort.
Nothing good comes easy as they say. I have discovered that working on one’s self is a tougher job than most.
This is because there are forces that prefer having you remain in the dunghill of bad attitude and character than seeing you rise above your weaknesses.
…to be continued