No more delayed marriage in Jesus Name! Amen!!!!! Are you familiar with this kind of prayer? Well, quite frankly, I think the church, like in many other issues, is misleading a host of mature unmarried people. In a society like ours where being married is a status symbol, single people get to a certain age where they start to think they have a “spiritual problem”. And the church is feeding fat on this belief, maybe even propagating the idea in the first place.
I am not against prayer, but the Bible says some prayers don’t get answered because the people pray amiss (James 4:3). The fact that we are spiritual beings makes me believe that the problem could be spiritual but not in the sense of some evil force in one of your parents’ families. Given the society we live in, I will not deny that such things do exist but if you are God-focused, these shouldn’t have power over you. I am however suggesting a different approach to this “spiritual problem”. There should be some inward looking; some soul searching so to speak.
First look at where you are coming from because it could, positively or negatively affect where you are going to. How was marriage modeled to you by your parents? When you think of your parents’ marriage do you really want to get married? I personally went through a phase where I detested the idea of marriage. To my mind it was a form of bondage and who in their right senses walks into bondage with their eyes wide open? To the glory of God I don’t think that way anymore, and I am happily, not just legally, married. But it took a lot of forgiving on my part, by the grace of God, to get to where I am now.
Have you ever thought of it this way: not forgiving someone is the poison you drink for the other person to die? It’s not possible is it? Have you also ever thought that there may be someone or some people who you unconsciously hold a grudge against? The people I am talking about are your parents.
Let me ask you a seemingly simple question. As a woman, would you like to marry someone like your dad? Or as a man, would you like to marry someone like your mum? Do you know that consciously or unconsciously we do marry people who have something in common (positive or negative) with our parents? When you spot some negative character traits in the opposite sex that are similar to that of your parents’ it tends to invoke negative reactions in you. For a single person, you may decide not to put up with these character traits in the opposite sex making it difficult to find someone to settle down with. However, your longing for companionship only builds up frustration. If you are married, then your spouse may be suffering for a crime he or she did not commit. And this is where forgiveness comes in.
Your parents may have messed up big time. Maybe you are badly hurt and, as a result, and may even openly hate your parents. There are others who have been hurt, but have brushed those feelings aside for so long that they are no longer conscious of the pain they feel which is manifesting itself in a different way.
Something we need to consider is that our parents are only human beings, as imperfect as we are, with their baggage from the past, and are probably also unaware of it.
Unforgiveness is poisonous emotionally, spiritually and physically, and you’re the one drinking the poison. You have to make a conscious effort to move in the right direction; love and compassion for a fellow imperfect human being. Forgive your parents. If you are married, you need to understand that you are now a role model for your children. Do you want to pass on a legacy of patched up marriage and another cycle of unforgiveness? You cannot change your parents, but you can change you, and it is your responsibility to change you for the better.
I would be the last person to say that it’s an easy task, but God’s grace is sufficient for you. You just need to make the right decision and keep at it with a lot of prayers and He will see you through. Let us pass on a legacy of loving families to the next generation as families are the best arenas for rest.
Shade Vaughan