Recently, my life came into a season of change. Considering that what I was required to change is one of the things I have in common with my hubby in the highest percentage, I was torn about how to deal with it. I knew the time had come for me to make this shift but I also knew that it was possible that everyone else in my family may not be at the same stage with me. This meant that no matter how we dealt with it, people were going to be affected.
My instinct was to avoid the conversations leading to the decision that I had to make because I knew that they were not likely to be easy conversations. The other attractive option for me was not to have the conversation at all but go ahead and make my decisions which might trigger offense and whatever else may come with it. The third option was to articulate my position; recognise that just because it is properly articulated does not mean everyone will jump on board and finally to remember that even if they didn’t jump on board it was not a vote of no confidence.
Armed with this new mind-set, I finally took the plunge one morning and I blurted it out especially as I suddenly felt an urgent need to share with my hubby something I have been dealing with for months. The moment I said it, my heart dropped in my mouth because I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be… he agreed to think it through and revert to me. Between when I shared with him and the next time I saw him, some major shift happened in his own dynamics and I began to understand the urgency I felt that morning. If I had waited till the end of that day to share something I had nursed for months, my sharing would have been reactionary and not viewed as an innocent or informed conviction.
Most relationships whether marital or otherwise, tend to go through seasons of growth that come with major change indicators and most times – at least that was how it was for me – in the past, the individuals react rather than respond. The first win from my situation now that we have walked through the first part of my growth and change sprout is that we agreed to support each other through the decisions that we were required to make regardless of how we felt. It is my belief that we arrived here this quickly and easily because we both took the time to listen to each other and even when it was difficult, we didn’t react. Instead, our commitment to recognise the difference that we were dealing with convictions and not just having emotional conversations is paying off.
The point today is that in our relationships, we need to recognize that when we stand our ground it will help if we are conviction driven. When a man is transacting based on a conviction, his goal isn’t to hurt another but to uphold what he believes. As children of the Most High God, why this is important is that our convictions are based on what He has told us or shown us and therefore, convictions we should not be shifting on yet they are convictions based on other convictions and one of their foundational convictions will be to build up others and not tear them down.
If you are in a relationship where something needs to change and that change will affect others, regardless of what they might have done to you, it will be a plus if you stick with your convictions, hold off on having conversations about them with those who are not involved or have no say in the matter and deal with the person(s) involved directly. Many a conversation have ruined a conviction and in the end the goal is not achieved.
Our God is a God of convictions and once that is the case I don’t see Him calling debates about what He has purposed to do neither do I see Him destroy others in His wake simply because He wants to act on His conviction. Let others see in your transactions with them that you are a child of Heaven. Don’t be flaky because if you are, the day it really matters no one will believe that you are working from a conviction point.
As emotional as I can be, if I could work through my situation, you can too.
May your relationships bring Him glory.
Bidemi