A term very often used as a defence for the unlawful shooting of a person by an armed officer. At a time, this was a very common occurrence in Nigeria. The scenario was typical; an armed man trying to get the attention of another person would aim their gun at the fellow, either to threaten, caution or intimidate them, and then, boom, someone’s been shot. At this point, a situation to be regretted for a lifetime has been created by one singular act of power display.
There’s a woman who lives in my house. A very polite woman with a warm personality, she’d greet everyone within her path and smiles graciously. She reminds me of ‘accidental discharge’. No, she is neither a military officer, a police officer nor a naval officer; I’ve never even seen her with a gun. Worse, she uses what is perhaps the most lethal weapon ever – the tongue.
“You are so stupid! Why are you so dumb? You are just never able to take simple instructions and can’t do anything right”……. She always seems to have these words waiting to spill out, and her victims are her children.
It is undisputable that motherhood is one of the most intense experiences every woman has to go through. It is so intense, children can bring you feelings of great joy and deep sorrow all in one day. The responsibility of catering to and grooming a child with a life of its own is a very useful description of how God mirrors us in His own image and how He is protective of us. Needless to say, motherhood is life and life giving. As we nurture our children, we daily impart life (or death) into them with our words.
Unfortunately, many mothers take for granted the power in their words and unconsciously ‘shoot’ their children in the soul in a bid to correct or caution them; not realizing that those words may take root in their lives and form the basis of their future. Against this, the bible cautions;
Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell…..
With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.
Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.
James 3
The spiritual effects of our words on our children can be overwhelming. However, it goes beyond just the spiritual effects. A consistent outpour of negative words can greatly affect a child’s self-esteem and consequently make a mess of his or her performance in school or extra-curricular activities. A child who is constantly told that he is stupid will start to believe it soon enough and every desire to excel begins to fade. This becomes even more likely when the one saying these things to them is their parent. Your child may not believe the teacher or his classmates, but he trusts his mother by default. What is unfortunate is that most people do not realize early enough what damage their speech is causing until it is rather too late to fix it.
Your words as a mother are like seeds planted in the ground, it may not be obvious to the physical eye at once but it is definitely taking root down there. When it begins to grow, you may likely have forgotten who planted it there and may not like what you see. But make no mistakes, what you plant is what you harvest. While it may be true that no sane mother will consciously set out to ruin her child’s future with her words, you can also make conscious effort to watch what you say.
Anger is not an excuse and it is not enough to say that you are training them to behave well. Correction can be done in many ways without cursing or verbally abusing our children. Regardless of what they do or how spirited they may be, don’t be a victim of accidental discharge. Make a choice to only speak life to your child at all times.