‘’for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”…
Philippians 1 vs 21
This is my truest, most honest life desire. That I would look in the mirror and see Christ. There is nothing deeper, there is nothing more, in this life that I desire than to look and be like Him. This verse is my life. Every time I become selfish, every time I get angry, every time I am not satisfied, every time I’m in pain, every time I sin, every time I want to boast of myself and be proud, every time I want to stick to my own opinion, every time I want to fight the Holy Spirit; somehow, it always brings me back to this point. , oh! what a desire for a life that will truly reflect Christ.
Imagine yourself being that person, gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent, living a life fully and selflessly devoted to service. A life where you never stop to worry about yourself, and you are not driven by the need to protect your image, guard your feelings or fidget about personal and private needs. A life where every waking moment of every day, you remain at the service of God and the people He has made and you are content in that. Daily going back into the secret place to empty yourself of fleshly desires and filling up with the mind of God. I can’t even begin to imagine the freedom that comes from living like that on a daily basis. The result is freedom from your mental construct, freedom from your family expectations, freedom from societal beliefs, freedom from the burden of personal aspirations; just to live a simple life in Christ.
Honestly, to ‘die’ is pain. Being perpetually foolish for Christ, always turning the other cheek, constantly giving your shirt to the person that has taking your jacket, giving your food to the person that has already bullied you to collect your water, and it never crosses your mind to ask ‘what about me?’ Imagine a situation where all your family is taken away from you, your job is gone, you have no relationships to lean on when its tough, yet, you have no worries for a second because you are at peace that God is at your back constantly supplying your every need according to his riches in glory.
I seek that place of freedom and wisdom, I seek that place of peace that surpasses all understanding. Oh! I seek to die, to die to second guessing myself, to die to impatience, to die to questions of self-worth, to die to the anxiety for tomorrow, to die to the need to meet people’s expectations, to die to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and pride of life. To die, to not being in a constant position of defence and self-preservation but to constantly have the confidence to step out into the world and let my hair down in trust that I will never be ashamed. This is my desire and my heart’s daily cry.
I pray a grace to surrender, to empty my hand so I can daily take up my cross and follow Him. Because the process of cross carrying takes so much strength that it crushes all that is in you that is not in His original plan. It is such a burden so that you have to look to Jesus to know how and which way to go, and you have to perpetually keep your eyes on Him as you follow His every step and action because you cannot afford to miss a step.
Every day, I stand and I look above me to prayerfully seek that fire that would burn all self and all flesh away from me. I daily tell Him, Lord, you brought me to the fire, you will bring me through the same fire until by your hands I am made as pure silver. The kind that when a man looks at, he sees his own reflection, so that every time Jesus looks at me, He would see his perfect reflection in me.
AMEN.