Recently, my car had issues and I had meetings lined up outside the office that I could not afford to miss. I needed to be able to get to my meetings on time and without the hassle of public transport in Lagos. The options before me were to either call a cab or ask my husband for his car. Naturally, I opted for asking Mark for his car; which he obliged me with.
The moment he said to me you can use my car I knew that with that car came his driver who would take me everywhere I needed to go that day without me having to compel him. When I got dressed and came down that morning to go, I didn’t have to prove to the driver that I had the authority to use the car and by extension that he was working with me that day. The only thing I had to say to him was ‘I am ready to go’ and he started the car and off we went.
At no time during that day when I needed to go from one location to another, did I need to first call my husband to ask him to tell his driver what the next stop was, I simply came into the car, and gave the instructions on where our next stop would be and he obliged me.
In taking a look at the issue of power and authority, I have come to understand and I am still growing in the understanding that I can deploy relational authority. What gave me the audacity to not only use Mark’s car but his driver as well is the fact that I am married to him. It is therefore no rocket science that because I am his wife, I would require that kind of access from time to time to his car and driver.
I have Sistas and we are blessed each to be able to afford people who work to help us birth what God has called us to do individually. Because these are Sistas and we are committed to each other, I see mostly that even those around us recognise that when anyone of us needs or requires stuff to be done and the skills required are domiciled in another Sista’s team, we are comfortable enough to ask for those skills and be sure that whatever we require done will be done just as well as if the individual discharging the duty was working for their own immediate Boss who happens to be one of our Sistas.
I cannot begin to tell you how many people I now know and have become a part of my life just because of the relationships I had forged in the past. Just the same way because of my relationships with others, members of my team and family have become part of those relationships as well.
As nice as this sounds, I have also seen situations where people because of how they had transacted in their own relationships cannot take advantage of their power within those relationships so that even though they are not directly friends or bosses to others they can take advantage of those relationships that others have nurtured.
The key to ensuring that I can tap into the power in another person’s relationship to the extent of making it work in my favour is found in how I first and foremost deal with those with whom I have a relationship. Many times I have been in one part of town needing fuel for my car and all I have to do is ask one of my Sistas and she would release her own driver to ensure I got fuel. I do know that usually, this is a sacrifice on the part of her driver but I also see the joy with which he serves me in that equation and I am convinced that two things make that possible.
First, his relationship with his Boss who happens to be my Sista. I have seen how she treats him and all that is related to him so that when I come on the scene he is mindful to treat me well. The second thing I think is responsible is the fact that I truly do respect him and treat him as such. I am mindful how I speak to him and he reciprocates by going the extra mile to ensure my comfort. All of this is hinged on the fact that while power is available to us, sometimes it is resident in vessels we are not exactly in control of and how we have dealt with those within whose control that power can be deployed will to a large extent determine how much of that power we can access.
The question for us all today is therefore, when the power isn’t directly yours, will you be able to deploy it? Your relational nurturing instinct will determine how much relational currency you are able to tap from others.
Till next time…may God bless your relationships