Carol, 44, had been speaking with Bruce, 49, for over a month. She is excited to be meeting a potential husband, a man who seems real, mature and ready to marry. According to Carol, Bruce had told her ‘everything’ about his life that she needed to know. He has spoken of his past affairs; that he was never married but had fathered a child. He showed Carol, the picture of this ‘only’ child. Bruce assured Carol of his honesty and expressed willingness to start a new life with her. They met through a mutual friend.
Carol called the leader of the singles group in her church for a telephone chat about this development. The leader asked Carol for her man’s last name and quickly ran a check on him on Facebook. Based on his job description and the high school he had attended, within minutes, this leader got to Bruce’s timeline and looked through his page while still chatting on with Carol.
Somehow, a tagged picture with a friend of Bruce jumped out; showing Bruce posing with two young boys but it was one of the comments that gave him away, “Bruce, your twins are so identical. They look like your wife”. Instantly the leader asked Carol if she knew Bruce is married and that he had a set of twins; she was shocked! No, she was not told. Bruce never said he was married, or still in any marriage or relationship.
Carol called the lady who had introduced them, but she didn’t know either. So, she rang someone, another lady who knew both Bruce and the friend that introduced her to Bruce. There and then, the bubble began to burst. Bruce apart from having fathered a child; is still married to his wife and mother of the twins and has a daughter from another lady.
Carol, from the very day she confronted Bruce has never heard from him again. He was gone, gone to sow lies and deceit to another potential victim.
The issue here is not about what has gone on in a man’s life but how honest is the man. It is not about having had a child but lying about being single when actually he is still married.
Yes, people have issues but not to make life a living hell for innocent lady-in-waiting, deceiving and defrauding her to marry her. A dishonest and untrustworthy spouse will bring untold emotional trauma on the unsuspecting partner and may ruin years of trust already earned in the relationship.
I know a few ladies who have decided never to trust their heart with any man ever again due to lack of honesty in past disclosures.
The fact that someone ‘appears’ very genuine should never deter us from asking all necessary questions. Lives depend on it, the health of your relationship depends on it and so is the stability of the future home.
Ask until you are sure you have been told the whole truth. Do your personal findings. Run every check possible, go through all the person’s contacts you know and available social networking routes. Never stop asking questions, ask and ask again, you can never ask too much. In recent times I have seen a few single women in similar scenarios; thankfully it wasn’t too late before they found out the men.
Many people marry only to discover it was all a fraud. You can save yourself from such people. The Bible did say in Deut. 19:15 that we must establish every matter from the mouth of two or three witnesses. Women tend to say a lot and sometimes too much about themselves, but most men choose their words and carefully select what information to share. Some need real probing. Do not spare them, ASK THEM!
Ladies, we lose nothing by asking. Find out as much as you can about him, his past, background, beliefs, relationship patterns and so on. If you actually pray, God will guide you into all areas of truth regarding his person.
I once heard of a lady who learnt from her husband’s speech at their wedding reception that her newlywed man was indeed a member of a cult when he thanked the ‘brotherhood’ for their support. She asked him immediately after his speech while still at the ceremony of those he referred to as ‘brotherhood’. His reply was “sorry, thought I told you”. Of course, he knew he didn’t tell her but hey! Now she knows, on her wedding day, but a bit too late.
Ladies, whatever your suspicions, please ask, ask questions. If you see signs, symbols or anything that tips you off, then ask. Please ask. God can use your instinct too to alert you. Until you are very sure, don’t walk the aisle.